not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i out mim tonsoeep
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