Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
