Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
