How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
