we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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