Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
