Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
