That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
