All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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