it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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