Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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