I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
