they're like a gay fantastic four
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
