i think my tv is drunk
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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