had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
