I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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