they need to just BURY HIM!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have fence marks all over my body
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
