i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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