SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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