We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
