my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
