she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
