Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
