hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
