you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
