I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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