I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
