the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
