I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
