is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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