Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
