didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
