my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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