escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
