She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
