you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
