i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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