feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
