I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
