she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
