just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
