I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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