I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
someone owes me an orgasm
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
