My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
