I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
