we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
