I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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