No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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