You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
did i walk over a car last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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