Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
