be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
