I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
