I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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